A year ago the King was caged, serving tee-ball numbers for being a convicted felon and trying to equip a small army with illegal weapons and accessories. But T.I. soon saw the error of his ways, did a song with Justin Timberlake, and came out of prison a whole new man whose days of criminal activity were behind him. Or so we thought.
Yesterday, T.I. was sentenced to another 11 months behind bars after being arrested about a month and a half ago while driving around West Hollywood with his pet pig. While his arrest came as a result of a fluke, unfortunate series of unavoidable events that no one really could have foreseen, let’s see if there are any lessons that can be learned from this regrettable situation.
- LESSON #1: When you are on probation and must undergo drug-testing, maybe just DON’T DO DRUGS.
- LESSON #2: If you have to do drugs while on probation, maybe just try to LIMIT YOURSELF TO ONE KIND OF DRUG (police can’t smell ecstasy).
- LESSON #3: If you have to do several drugs at once, maybe just STAY AT HOME (there are lots of snacks and funny DVDs there, anyway).
- LESSON #4: If you have to leave the house to do a wide variety of illegal narcotics, maybe just DRIVE SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOUR RIDICULOUSLY FLASHY, $400,000 LUXERY CAR (nothing screams “I shouldn’t have this car” more than Purple Drank stains on the leather).
- LESSON #5: If you have to take the Maybach out, maybe just GO FIND A DARK, QUIET, AND SECLUDED SPOT TO GET YOUR DRUG-USE ON.
- LESSON #6: If you have to drive your garish automobile down one of the busiest streets in L.A. while smoking weed, sippin’ sizzurp, and dropping E, maybe just OBEY ALL TRAFFIC LAWS.
- LESSON #7: If you have to make an illegal u-turn while riding dirty in your “look at me” mobile on the Sunset Strip, maybe just TAKE A QUICK LOOK AROUND AND MAKE SURE THERE ARE NO COPS PRESENT.
- LESSON #8: If you have to illegally flip a bitch right in front of a police officer with a crazy expensive car full of drugs and convicted felons, maybe just HOPE THERE IS (and/or arrange for there to be) A SUIDICAL MAN YOU CAN TALK OFF OF THE LEDGE OF A RADIO STATION RIGHT BEFORE YOUR NEXT PROBATION HEARING.
But if people start to question how suspiciously convenient it was that some dude got on the roof of a very secure building, which just happened to house a hip-hop radio station (which are perfect for publicity, btdubb), which you just happened to be listening to at the time, and when you went to said station, the police actually allowed you to participate in the operation, and you were actually able to talk the man out of jumping, all of which just happened to go down just a day before your sentencing, then pack your bags, because you are most likely going to jail.
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